３人４脚でチャレンジ　New Mission for the 4th Grader

English version of this post is available below.

こんにちは、3児ワーママのマミントンです 。今月から娘が新４年生として中学受験を目的とした学習塾に通い始めます。母親になってから子ども達の健康な身体作りを第一に考え、食事と運動量には気を遣ってきました。勉強についても気を遣っていないわけではなく、低学年では公文に通わせたり、英語に少しでも触れる機会を与えようと英語の講師がいらっしゃる習い事に通わせたり、自宅でもディズニーチャンネルはなるべく英語で見せたり（効き目があるかは不明ですが笑）。

しかし中学受験は未知の領域です。私も小学校３年生～５年生まで塾に通っていました。周りのお友達もほとんど塾に通っていたので違和感はなかったものの、偏差値が上がったり下がったり、夜遅くまで塾にいたり、宿題量が多かったり、あまり楽しい思い出ではありません。小５の終わりに父のアメリカの転勤が決まり、孤独に始まったアメリカ生活は大変だったものの、今考えると塾から解放され、新しい環境で英語を学び、スポーツに打ち込めたことは私にとっては良かったのかもしれません。

自分が経験したことのない試練を子どもに経験させるのは親として勇気がいることです。パパには「２月の勝者」という漫画を読むよう勧められていますが、周りからの圧力に弱い私は恐怖心を煽られそうで未だ読めずにいます笑。

私と娘はすぐ口喧嘩になるので、夫婦で相談した現時点での作戦は、スケジュール・宿題の管理は母親の私が。そして分からないところを教える・宿題を一緒にやりメンタルを支える役割は私よりレジリエンシーの高いパパが担うことに。小学校、塾、習い事、そして自分の仕事や兄弟の予定との兼ね合いを調整していると、自分はどこかの芸能人のマネージャーにでもなった気分になります。

これから３年間、娘も私もパパも、きっと色々な辛い試練に立ち向かうことでしょう。くじけることもあるし、成果を出して喜ぶ機会も訪れるでしょう。中学受験経験のない私は、なんで小学生にこんなに勉強させなきゃいけないんだろう、もっと外でのびのび遊ばせたい、田舎に引っ越したい、など色々感じることでしょう。沢山喧嘩をして、沢山抱きしめあって、沢山の試練を３人４脚で乗り越えて、親子の絆がより深まるよう娘をサポートしていきたいと思います。頑張るぞ！

Hello, I’m Mamington, a working mom of three.

My eldest daughter will start attending “juku” from this month. Juku is an institution that provides after school classroom study programs and is sometimes referred to as “cram school” in English because the purpose of this institution is to prepare elementary school children for some unreasonably difficult entrance exams into private middle schools (grade 7-9) in Japan. Depending on the age group, children sit in classrooms for 3-5 hours to study (yes, this is in addition to the 7 hours that they are already spending in regular schools).

A large population of children in the metropolitan area opt out of attending public middle schools and study to earn the right to attend private schools, hence leaving impressions that public middle schools are not as high quality or that they do not sufficiently prepare the children for the college entrance exams 6 years down the line.

As a mother, I have always been conscious of encouraging a healthy lifestyle for my children, in particular around nutrition and exercise. It is not that I was not focused on their study habits either, but probably less so than nutrition and exercise. For my eldest daughter’s example, she takes cheerleading and gymnastics lessons 3 times a week, I had her do extracurricular workbooks for Japanese and math, sent her to sports clubs that had English speaking instructors to expose her to a different language, and semi-forced her to watch the Disney channel in English (not sure how effective the English Disney channel was… haha).

But the culture and lifestyle to prepare for entrance exams to private middle schools in Japan have entirely different considerations. The exams are extremely competitive, acceptance rates to prestigious schools can be 10-20% at max, children are given one shot at taking the exam in February (so if your child has influenza on exam day, he or she loses his or her chance), and there is an enormous amount of peer pressure for both the children and the parents.

I have some experience attending juku during the short period that I was living in Japan between my third and fifth grade . My friends at school were also attending juku so I did not consider it unfair that I had to study so much, but constantly experiencing the ups and downs in my quiz scores or being overwhelmed with homework were not my fondest memories. I moved to the States at the end of my fifth grade and was released from the juku nightmare. And although I had to face a new nightmare of trying to learn a brand new language and not having any friends at the start, now that I think of it, my experiences in the States picking up English and having time to participate in various sports gave me priceless memories and lessons.

It takes some guts as a parent to encourage our children to experience something that we have not (or that we have bitter memories of). Hubby asks me to read a famous comic in Japan called “The Winners of February” which tells the stories of elementary school students and parents who take on this challenge to prepare for the middle school entrance exams and either win or lose their battle against those February exams. I have not gotten the bravery to pick up the comic because I am bad with peer pressure, and I heard that this comic portrays the gross reality of what parents and children have to go through, including the peer pressure, giving up soccer practices and family vacations and apparently, some parents in the comic even get divorced because of the recurring fights that arise as a result of many elements, including but not limited to pressure, financial stress, divergence in educational beliefs and so on.

I am a mother and I constantly fight with my daughter. That is natural right? So hubby and I came up with our initial strategy. I, as a mother, will manage my daughter’s schedules and workload. I will manage the different scheduling between school, juku, sports teams as well as my own career, the other 2 childrens’ schedules and whatever else life throws at me. I am the manager. And hubby, or daddy, who is less likely to yell at my daughter compared to me, will teach my daughter when she needs help with homework and sit with her to provide morale support. Daddy tends to be better at mental support than me.

Assuming that we continue with this mission for the next 3 years, we will face A LOT of very difficult challenges and very large mountains. There will be days that we cry, and hopefully days that we will jump with joy because efforts paid off. There will be days that I question myself for making my daughter go through this challenge, because elementary school children should be socializing with friends and playing sports, not being canned up in classrooms. I was raised in the middle of cornfields in northern America and only started taking studying seriously after entering high school or college, and yet I turned out ok.

We will fight, we will hug, and we will overcome more challenges than be swamped by them. We will tell ourselves that there is no mountain high enough, and support our daughter in hopes that our bonds as daddy, mommy and kiddy will only be stronger as a result of the years to come.

Wish us luck!